I'm supposed to be memorizing my part for tomorrow's presentation, but there is a whirlpool of thoughts in my head that I cannot get anything done. So I think I just write it here and hopefully the thoughts will settle.
I wonder if anyone will ever really know me, even I don't understand myself sometimes. I feel like a walking contradiction. I believe in (and hope for) soul mates, true love and love that burns so brightly that everyone around will feel it's warmth too. But there's a voice in my head that says it'll never happen to me, I believe that for others but never for myself. I believe that everyone has the ability to do something great in their lives, but I always feel and worry that I'll never be able to. I believe that everyone is good, but I can never fully trust someone. There's a part of me who always doubts every single little thing, a part of me who is oh so cynical and a part of me who is always afraid of letting go and believing. How can someone who believe in star signs and soul mates be cynical at the same time? That's why I don't really understand myself sometimes, and I wonder if anyone ever will.
What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?
I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared
Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
Funny how I suddenly remembered this song from Sound of Music. It's 3:30pm.
ps. For my birthday, I'm wishing for a best friend... as always for the past 16 years of my life.
Labels: Musings
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